#IncaJourney

Chapter One: becoming

a Newmad

 

Every quest begins with a question, what have I come here to do with my life? What have I done to myself? Where am I heading?

Film by Muhammed Ibrahim,
Music by The Wednesday Night – In the Morning
Art Direction by Inca & Co.

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My quest, bound by an unsettling desire to run, to wander. Somehow I looked around and the enchantment was gone. I kept waiting for something to happen, a sign that my life has finally kicked in, except that nothing much happened but all the drama I created about things not happening. I didn’t know what to do with my life. It wasn’t until I decided to go on the road, to forget about a destination and explore the possibilities that could free me from myself, a notion I have been trying to get onto for so long I just never knew how. Only then I felt like I was starting to live, I was being born.

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Everything I had packed on this journey seemed to hold a key to something I just had to have. Joy was what I desired, colors was what I saw, comfort was what I yearned for. I began to understand what this journey was about, it was my path out of hell, my pilgrimage. It was only later that I found ou that this journey will only begin once it ends.

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It might seem to everyone that this was all about love, two people finding their inner peace away from everyone, running away to a beautiful place beside waters to nurture their belonging together. But what they don’t know is that it took me years to surrender to myself, to my fight of desiring lonesome, choosing to be incomplete. My prayer is that our lonesome together would be greater, grander, than our wholesome apart.

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My life, as chaotic as it might seem, it is very belonging to me. It doesn’t have to depend on one person, on one incident, but on the whole road, the whole experience of breathing in and out for as long as I shall live. I’m now certain that love is the only existential fact, it’s our truth on earth.

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Truth is that nothing is cut and dried, black and white, good and bad. I don’t have to reach out with my bare hands just to know its real. I now believe in all things grey, in all things flawed and beautiful, in all things incomplete and mysterious.

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I now know, this journey never ends.

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